Pay Attention!

Like most parents, I often find my attention is required in ten different places at once. Aside from the direct parenting attention required, there are meals to get, housework to do, emails to check, errands to run, chauffering to and from activities...you get the idea.

Trevor is of the age that he can manage to keep himself fairly well-occupied with minimal guidance from me; in fact, he is beginning to prefer to "do his own thing" and only wants my attention occasionally through the day.

Gavin is pretty much happy as long as I've fed him and he has some toys to monkey around with, needing attention only when he's tired. Plus, I wear him a fair bit so he has contact with me throughout the day.

Amy, however, craves my attention. She can and sometimes does manage to keep herself busy...lately she has been all about writing: cards, books, notes to friends, both on the computer and with a pencil. I've also been making a real point of making sure I spend time with her each day engaging in books and writing with her. BUT. Maybe it's because I've been spending more time on this lately that we had a little blow out this weekend.

On Sunday, I had some Christmas cards that needed to be done up and sent out. I had purchased a box of 32 cards. Some were earmarked for teachers and coaches, some for my aunties, some for various other family and friends. Amy, who loves all things Christmas especially glittery, shiny cards, immediately wanted to do a whole bunch of them up for her friends at school. I said, "Sure, just let me do mine up first and you can have all the rest of them." She is wise beyond her years and knows that I might not actually get around to doing them even that same day (especially since I've been trying to get them done for a week but can't seem to get around to giving it the attention it deserves). She grumped down the stairs, upset that she didn't get to do her cards right that minute.

About 20 minutes later as I was having simultaneous conversations with my husband in real life and my dad on the phone, she stomped upstairs and presented me with a piece of paper with a drawing on it. I glanced at it without looking and tossed it down on the desktop. She glared at me for a minute and then grumped down the stairs again. After about 10 more minutes, she came up and and glared at me some more prompting me to ask,
"What's up, Buttercup?"
"Well, did you read it?"
"Huh? Oh this, right, let's look at it." I opened the paper to see a stick person with a very frowny face and a big X through the it, with the word Mommy under the drawing. Hmmm. No wonder she was so choked at me, I didn't even give her hate mail attention.
"Okaaaay...it seems like you're pretty mad at me, is this about the cards?"
She turned on her heel and stomped back down the stairs.

I thought to myself that I should just give her some cards, I could probably scrounge up some extras or just pick up some more the next time I was out. So I counted out one of each of the eight designs and took them downstairs to her. I handed them to her and said, "Here you go, I counted and I'll still have enough cards and that way you've got some, too."

She didn't say anything. I went back upstairs. She followed me up about three minutes later and handed the cards back to me without a word, then went back downstairs again.

Hm.

I went downstairs where she was hiding behind a chair and asked her what was wrong and she started to cry. "I don't want you to not have enough cards!" "
"But I counted them," I told her, "it's ok, you can totally have them. I'm not mad at all." But that just made her cry harder. (I'm really looking forward to going through PMS with her someday.)

Then something occurred to me.
"Are you worried that I'm mad because of the picture you drew?"
She nodded.
"I'm not mad, you were just upset. But that's why you have to be careful about what you write and draw about people, it's hard to take it back. Come on, let's go do some cards together."

We sat down at the table to do some cards and I figured I could write a list for her to copy with her friends' names on it. We made the list and as she started the first card, I looked at the clock and realized that I had to get going and have a shower if we were all going to get to Trevor's hockey game on time. I started to say, "There you go, I'm just going to go have a shower..." when she stopped me and put her hand on my arm. She said, "I just want to spend some time with you."

Of course. That was what she had been trying to tell me all morning, I just wasn't listening.

I sat back down and we finished them up...and I wore a hat to hockey.