Up your nose with a rubber hose, NEXUS!

Our family travels across the border to the US a fair amount, so when we first heard of the NEXUS program being implemented about seven years ago, we were thrilled and applied immediately. Remember that rush of getting to be first in line when you were in elementary school? It's a similar buzz when you get to whiz past a bunch of cars sitting in a two-hour border lineup. As soon as each of our first two children were born, we applied right away and had adorable photos on their cards of each of them at eight weeks old.

Over the years, the program has evolved and some of the guidelines have changed. There is now an on-line application process, a NEXUS program at the airport (YVR) and expanded access at the land crossings near us. Unfortunately, the exact rules and guidelines seem to change based on what day it is, who you talk to, and what kind of mood they're in.
We encountered this at Christmas time when we travelled to Palm Springs for a week. Having the land crossing NEXUS, we had heard that all you have to do is get the iris scan and a sticker put on your card and that would entitle you to use the NEXUS lanes at the airport. The children are too young for an iris scan but if they're travelling with us we just needed to check in a "special" lane. Going down south, we couldn't see this magical "special" lane and we were redirected a couple of times by some rather intimidating border guards, but eventually cleared NEXUS without having to wait in the huge customs lineup. Coming home, again, we could see no NEXUS lineup to check in with the children. Turns out that on the Canada side, you have to wait in the ginormous lineup if you have children. Even if you have NEXUS, even though the people in the NEXUS office at the airport assured me that the children would be able to travel with us when I originally had my irises scanned....nope. This particular border agent we spoke with was having nothing to do with any of that. Super frustrating, because the whole point of us getting the iris scans was to avoid the big, stupid lineup on the Canadian side - it's really awful to wait in with kids after a long day of travelling - so we might as well not have bothered.

Fast forward a few months...Gavin is born, I immediately apply for his registration and SIN, and as soon as I get it I fire up a NEXUS application so we can hopefully get down to Birch Bay this summer. (For those of you not local to Vancouver, the border lineups recently have been HORRENDOUS due to construction scheduled to go well into 2010). I get the letter requesting us to schedule an interview, call the number, get an appointment at the airport for today (June 9) at 3:20. I arrive...no appointment. WTF?! Can you please fit us in, I ask? I've just spent an hour in traffic with a five year old a two month old (who had his shots today). Pleeeeease? The dude goes to check, comes back and says the American agent would do it but that the Canadian agent needs a letter from the father giving permission for Gavin to have a NEXUS pass. WTF?!?! I've been through this process twice before with each kid and renewed both their passes in the past two years and have never needed this. I've never read about this anywhere and the agent who originally scheduled my (phantom) appointment never mentioned anything about it. Apparently it says that this letter is needed right in the online registration, but not on the paper one. Of course, I filled in the paper one. Very long story short, we have to go back in three weeks, letter in hand. I betcha ten bucks that because the sky is purple that day, the rules will have changed again.

Which brings me to a saying I am going to try to singlehandedly resurrect...

Up your nose with a rubber hose, NEXUS program.

(That makes me giggle.)